Wednesday, March 28, 2012

An observation of rhythums

As a pagan noticing the changing of the seasons is a crucial act of my spiritual meditation.  Simply noticing of the leaves turning colors or the subtle and sometimes abrupt change in the weather.  The blossoming green all around me.  The light and shadow of my days reflect the passage of time.  These things ground me in my steady belief that our lives continue.  Generations are born, live and die.  The cycles return again and again even though the fabric of my every day life might change drastically from year to year. 
As an academic I follow the beginnings and endings through “school time” September to May and the rest of summer.  I anticipate an introduction to new students each year and a renewed curiosity with those who I have committed to mentor. Finally, after four years the rite of graduation arrives, a sort of pushing out of the nest.
As a wife and mother… I am learning to follow a daily rhythm.  Our little guy needs it and so do I.  This is not an intuitive place for me.  I have always sort of allowed the days to unfold without much internal structure—it has worked for many years.  Now however, I am not simply tending my own fire, my own creativity.  Now I am fostering another fire and it is quite challenging.  
 So often these three “rhythms” run contrary to one another.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

When then shall I write?

At least four times today I wanted to stop, sit down and write a little note.   Notes that said: I am so happy to see you, I am so glad you shared your news with me, I am so grateful we connected, I wish we had more time to collaborate, I appreciate the hard work you are doing.  I carefully crafted each note in my mind as I was madly rushing to the next meeting, class, commitment.  I am now home, and  it is somewhere close to midnight.   I just want to go to sleep.  So I have to ask myself, when shall I write?   If I can't even churn out a few notes of gratitude, how on earth am I going to settle on a good research and writing project?  My life is rich with teaching and learning moments, I feel like I am doing reasonably well in my administrative duties and I am keeping a float with my Connections Project expectations but I long for deep relational connection.  I want to slow the time in my classroom down and cultivate luminal time.  The days seem to go by so quickly and before I know it the relationships are feeling the strain.